I came here a lot, outside on the cricket fields at night when everybody was asleep except for those still studying. Here I could be alone and undisturbed. And even though I was missing out on sleep (which didn't come easy most nights anyway), I needed this time to find my bearings.

"Hello." A throaty voice said beside me.

I startled and looked up at a short, auburn haired girl standing next to me. I could not remember ever seeing her before, although she seemed my age.

"I didn't mean to startle you," she continued. "I'm not used to seeing anyone else here around this time either." She smiled a somewhat crooked smile at me. I could already feel I was going to like her.

"Do you come here a lot then?" I asked.

"Well, I used to go to the other side, but they're building that stage there now, so I figured I'd give this side a try. I'll leave if you want to be alone."

"No, that's okay, take a seat," I said as I gestured with my arm toward the grass next to me.

She sat down and tilted her head so she was facing the sky. "Aren't they beautiful?" she said, "They help me unwind, relax."

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" I asked, surprised to find another night owl.

"I just finished an essay and I need to unwind before I go to bed. I never sleep much anyway." She let herself drop on the grass and folded her arms over her belly as she let out a deep breath.

"Don't you hate having to work so hard all the time," I stated more than asked as I followed her example and lay back down on the grass.

"No, I enjoy it," she said, "Keeps my mind off of things I'd rather not think about."

I didn't know how to respond, afraid to open a can of worms that was better left closed. We lay silent on the grass for a while until I heard her sigh next to me and realized she had fallen asleep. I turned to my side and looked at her. She was very pretty in a elegant kind of way. I wondered what the colour of her eyes were, I hadn't been able to see them properly in the dark. I asked myself if I should wake her up or not and if I should leave her alone. I didn't realize I was still staring at her until she woke up and looked at me. She didn't say anything, just smiled. I felt my stomach flutter when she did. She got up, straightened her clothes and waved at me as she walked back to the dorm building. I sighed and followed her in, knowing that I would not be able to sleep that night.

In the weeks that followed I encountered her often on the cricket fields. Every night we'd stay up later than the night before, talking to each other. I had realized very quickly I had a crush on her but I was afraid to do anything about it. And she made a point of telling me about boyfriends she had had, as if to tell me she would not be interested in me. It didn't matter, I enjoyed being with her none the less and we really didn't have time to develop relationships anyway.

She was a lonely girl, did not have many friends. She chose to be so however, saying that she enjoyed being alone. The one thing that was most remarkable about her was her love for her father. She talked about him endlessly, but from those stories radiated a lot of pain. Pain because her father had hardly ever been there when she needed him, his duties to Starfleet keeping him away from his family. I didn't understand why she wanted to serve for Starfleet herself, it being the institution that had kept her father away from her. But who was I to question her decisions.

She had made my life on the Academy a hell of a lot more bearable, with her witty comments, her heart breaking stories and her everlasting determination to succeed at everything she did in life. So it disturbed me greatly when I didn't encounter her on the cricket fields for three nights in a row. The day after the third night, I decided to go look for her on campus to make sure she was all right. It was then I realized that during all our conversations she had never told me her name. And although I knew what courses she was taking, we didn't actually share any classes.
As I was cursing myself for never asking her name, I suddenly saw her sitting at a table in the far corner of one of the study halls. My breath caught as I saw her, for the first time in broad daylight. Her hair was redder than I had imagined it and when I got closer I noticed her eyes were a dark blue, like big pools with an never ending depth.

I took a deep breath and walked over to the table. "Hello," I said sitting down across from her.

"Hi," she said as her eyes lit up and her mouth curled into a smile.

Her enthusiasm at seeing me made me glow inside and I had to swallow before I could speak again.

"I haven't seen you in a couple of days and I was wondering if you were okay," I said shyly.

She smiled again. "I've been extremely busy. I'm trying to get Admiral Paris to be my advisor on my junior thesis and I've been working my ass off to get this proposal done in time. You wouldn't believe how little time he gave me."

"Paris? Are you insane?" I couldn't believe it, not even from her. The man was a slave-driver and everybody tried to stay away from him as much as possible.

"It's a challenge," she said. "Actually, " she continued, as she tapped her padd and looked up at me again, "I wanted to send you a message saying I was too busy to meet you outside, but I realized I don't even know your name."

I grinned at her. "Great minds think alike," I said, "I just realized I don't know yours either. My name is Käthe Namara, But most people call me Kay."

"Käthe? Is that German?" she asked. I nodded. "My name is Kathryn Janeway. Some people call me Kay as well." She smiled broadly. "Or Kath, or Kathy or Katie," she continued, "but I prefer Kathryn." She tapped her padd again. "I need to get on with this, I'll see you outside again, at some point. Okay?"

"All right," I said, "I won't hold you any longer. Although I may send a psychiatrist your way if you keep up with this Paris-business."

"It's fun, really," she said. She waved. I waved back. I wouldn't see her again until three months later.

During that time I buried myself in work just like she always did and I finally started to understand what she meant by keeping yourself from thinking about things that are best not thought about. I managed to earn some extra credits, thus giving myself some free time over the summer. I wanted to take a break, a vacation somewhere and I really wanted Kathryn to come with me.

I went out to the cricket fields every day now, hoping she would join me again. I brought my padds so I could work while I was waiting even though I had always sworn not to work here. After what seemed an endless period of waiting, she showed up again. She looked different, her hair was shorter and she had bags under her eyes. None the less, she seemed relaxed, happy.

"Hi Käthe," she said as she bent over and planted a kiss on my forehead.

The touch of her lips sent sparks of electricity all over my body. I swore to never wash my forehead again.

"Long time no see, stranger," I said.

"I know, I know," she responded. "Admiral Paris accepted my proposal and I've been working my brains out ever since. He gave me a couple of weeks off during summer though."

"I still don't understand why you want to work with that slave-driver," I said, "but it's good he gave you some time off because I wanted to ask you something."

"Oh?"

"I want to get away from here for a couple of weeks, forget this place ever existed. And I was wondering if you'd like to come with me, if you can spare the time that is."

"I really can't," she said, "but I'd like to come with you anyway."

"Don't make me twist your arm there, Kathryn!"

She giggled. "My roommate convinced me to take a break while I was working on my proposal and even though the date ended disastrous, it still helped me focus when I got back to work. Besides, Paris told me to get off campus too."

"Oh, so you're basically just following orders?"

"Yep, that's it. Where did you plan on going?"

"I hadn't really thought about that yet, actually. But did you just say you went on a date?"

"I can't get anything passed you, can I?" she said jokingly. "It wasn't a very successful date, I walked out on the guy."

"Because he was so charming you were afraid you'd be attracted to him?" I meant it as a joke, but I was spot on.

"Actually, yes," she admitted. "One of the most charming guys I have met in a long time. You may know him, William Riker."

"Oh," I said, "Yes, I know him. He's kind of a heartbreaker, probably a good thing you walked away."

"Speaking from personal experience?"

"No!" I retorted, "you know I don't date."

"Oh, I know, but on the other hand, I don't date either, so that really doesn't say anything, now does it?" she laughed.

Once again I wished she could be mine. Her smile was so heart warming, so charming, I could hardly breathe when I looked at her. My stomach contracted every time she blinked those beautiful blue eyes of hers or when she stuffed her gorgeous hair behind her ears or when she spoke in that wonderful throaty voice of hers.

Suddenly she got more serious and said, "There's really no point in me dating, because I'll probably end up marrying Hobbes, anyway."

"Who's Hobbes?" I asked. She never mentioned him before.

"A guy that has followed me around like a puppy since I was a child. I can't stand him."

"Why do you want to marry him then?" Kathryn truly puzzled me sometimes.

"I don't want to," she said, "I just think I'm going to. I tend to choose the easy way out when it comes to romance." She grinned uncertainly.

"I'll do my best to stop you from marrying him." I promised her.

Meanwhile we had to agree on a vacation destination. She wanted to go diving on Mars, but I told her I'd never done that before, could barely swim really. She offered to teach me, but I declined. This was supposed to be a vacation after all. I wanted to go to Paris, but she said that would remind her of the Admiral too much. Eventually we agreed on Egypt, which could combine our need to bask in the sunshine as well as satisfy our desire to explore. And neither of us had been there before.

So we each went our way to visit our families and pack and meet one week later, at the transport site in Giza, Egypt.

You cannot imagine how huge those pyramids are until you actually see them. Kathryn and I were in total awe. We didn't speak much that day, overwhelmed as we were by these monuments from the past.

We checked in to a hotel to unpack. Kathryn was cursing her hair in the bathroom. She never liked her hair which I could never understand because she has the most gorgeous hair you can possibly imagine. It's thick and curly and beautiful auburn red. I'd give my left arm to have hair like that.

"Let me help you," I said.

"Thanks," she answered and sat down on my bed with me and let me brush out her hair and put it in a braid.

"This dry heat makes my hair even more impossible than usual," she grumbled.

"Your hair is much more compliant than you are," I chuckled as I put down the brush and moved my hands to rub her tense shoulders.

"Mmm, thanks, I needed that," she said. She turned around to face me and grabbed my hands. "Thanks for taking me out here. You are such a good friend to me and I truly appreciate it."

I felt her warm hands in mine and I looked into her blue eyes and I said what I had been wanting to say for a long time.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you, too." Kathryn answered without hesitation.

"I don't mean just friendship love, I mean..."

"I know what you meant," she responded.

I looked in her eyes. "What are you saying?"

"I don't know honestly. I know how I feel, but I also know there is no room in my life for a relationship, not with anyone. I walked out on William Riker for a reason, remember? There's school, my thesis, next semester we have to go on missions, we'll probably hardly see each other as it is. Besides, you are my best friend, I don't want to ruin that."

I took in her words and I realized that not only she was right but that I felt the same way. Yet at the same time I wanted to touch her so badly, it almost killed me. I never imagined she reciprocated my feelings, I could hardly comprehend she felt the same way and I had never noticed it.

"How about just a holiday romance then? We can go back to school and pretend it never happened."

"That probably wouldn't be a very wise thing to do."

"Probably not, but does everything we do have to be sensible?" I said as I moved closer to her. She didn't back away. Instead, she placed her hand on my arm and let out a little gasp. The touch of her fingers on my arm was enough to send me in a state of total frenzy. I knew I would not be able to stop this anymore, even if I had wanted to. And apparently she didn't want to either.

Her hand moved up along my arm, over my shoulder toward my face and she cupped my chin. "I think I will regret this, but right now, I don't care." she whispered. She placed her hand behind my neck and pulled me in, a gesture I was more than willing to welcome. I wrapped my arms around her waist and placed my face in her neck. I couldn't believe how soft her skin felt against mine, how wonderful she smelled. We sat in a silent embrace for a while until she stirred and moved her lips toward mine. We kissed carefully and slowly and ever so lightly, but it almost made me faint. I moved my lips toward hers again and kissed her a little deeper this time. She moaned and she started giggling.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said and giggled some more. "It just all seems so silly all of a sudden."

I didn't think it was silly at all.

She heaved a deep sigh and calmed down. "I think I'm just nervous," she said "I didn't mean to laugh, honest."

"Maybe we should just go to sleep," I said, hoping she would disagree.

"I think you're right," she backed away from me and went to her own bed. "Good night, Katie." she said with a low voice. She always called me Käthe and I always called her Kathryn.

"Good night, Katie," I answered.

The next morning we went to a archaeological dig on the other side of the city. It wasn't a real dig, more of a touristy old fashioned kind of dig where you had to use little brushes and poke with little knives to uncover your finds. We worked side by side and occasionally she glanced at me and touched me lightly, placed a hand on my shoulder or patted my knee. I was actually quite enjoying the tension that was building between us.

After the dig we went back to the hotel to wash of all the sand and rubble. Kathryn held her find in her hands. She had uncovered a beautiful Egyptian necklace, a snake that coiled around your neck when you wore it. Since all the 'finds' were replica's, the diggers were allowed to take them home. I had only dug up pieces of pottery however, and decided to leave them at the site.

"It's pretty, isn't it?" she said, "I think it would look very nice on you."

I smiled warmly at her as I accepted the necklace. "Thanks, Katie." I said.

We both had a shower and changed clothes to go out for dinner. "Somewhere romantic," she had said.

We went to a little Italian restaurant close to our hotel. The evening was cool and crisp, so we sat outside on the terrace and held hands while we waited for our dinner to arrive. We ordered some wine and toasted on our friendship "and more."
Kathryn reached out her hand and cupped my cheek. I turned my face and placed a kiss on the inside of her hand. She pulled back her hand when the waiter arrived with our food. We waited impatiently for him to put down all the dishes with vegetables and potatoes and pasta. When he left, Kathryn grabbed my hand again.

"You know, part of the reason I was so nervous last night is that, well..." she hesitated and flushed a little before she continued "I never actually did "it" before..."

"But I thought you and Cheb..."

"No," she answered, "I never let him."

We sat silent for a while. Of course I was still a virgin as well. I had always been too busy studying and reading to pay attention to any romantic advances of the people around me. Until I met Kathryn.

"Here we are, two modern age women of 21 years old and we've never had sex, it's pathetic really. We should be ashamed of ourselves." I said.

"Too right. In fact, we should remedy this right here, right now."

"Couldn't agree more," I said as we got up from the table without ever touching our food.

What's there to say about The First Time? It's awkward, yet exciting. Clumsy, yet erotic. We were so careful, so gentle, surprised at every response our bodies generated. I can honestly say nothing will ever top it, despite all the nervous giggling.

The rest of the vacation was like a dream come true. For two weeks we walked around with our heads in the clouds, enjoying the sites, the warmth and above all each other. We made love every night in the bed, the bath tub, the couch and every other spot in the hotel room.
But all good things must come to an end and before we knew it we were back at work.

We did what we vowed to do and 'forgot' about our romantic interlude when we got back to the Academy. Actually, we both got caught up in work and hardly had time to breathe, let alone to sit around and pine over each other. Or maybe the two week romance was all we needed.

She finished the Academy before I did, of course. She was clearly capable of living on a lot less sleep. She got a position as a science officer on the Icarus almost right after she graduated. She was already engaged to Justin Tighe by the time I graduated and got posted on Deep Space 2. I didn't think I would ever see her again, but after I heard about her father and fiancé dying in a shuttle craft accident, I went back to Earth to see her.

That's when I met my soulmate and partner for life, Phoebe Janeway. Although at the time she was just Kathryn's sister.

Kathryn was in a terrible state. I don't think she even recognized me. Phoebe and I tried to get her out of bed but she was just lethargic, totally caught up in her own misery. I wanted to take a leave of absence, but Phoebe insisted I go back to work and let her handle taking care of Kathryn. And she did. She forced Kathryn back to life and back to work in a way that only Phoebe could and Kathryn worked harder than she ever had before and soon became a Starfleet Captain.

I was there when she got her promotion, although Kathryn never saw me. She was standing amidst all that is high and mighty at Starfleet and I suddenly felt out of place, so I left. But I was so proud of her that day, and she looked so good.

Phoebe and I stayed in touch over the years and she told me Kathryn got engaged to Hobbes Johnson, who now called himself by his second name, Mark. I wrote her a letter and told her she was insane. She wrote me back and said she really believed she loved him, now. I knew she was just fooling herself.
They never got married, although it wasn't my doing that stopped them, it was fate. Kathryn got a command position on the USS Voyager and disappeared. Mark waited for her for over three years and then moved on and married somebody else. Which is good, because Kathryn would have been too stubborn to let go of him otherwise.

Nobody knows what happened to the ship. It just disappeared along with a Maquis vessel during a mission to the Badlands. I think Starfleet recently declared them officially dead, but I know they're still out there, somewhere. I would feel it if Kathryn was no longer alive. So Phoebe and I wait for her to come back and we write her letters and we tell her how much we love each other and how much we love her. We know she'll return to us, because her determination is stronger than any force of nature we've ever encountered.

Wherever you are, Kathryn Janeway, I hope you went there to find your true love. For all I want is for you to be happy beyond belief. I will love you always.