Kathryn Janeway strode the hallways of Voyager, on her way to the mess hall. Neelix had organized another one of his talent nights and although Janeway tended to make up excuses to not have to sit through these occasions, she was happy to intend tonight, as her best friend and lover, the former Borg drone Seven of Nine would be performing a song. Seven had insisted Janeway be there, as she had chosen the song specifically for her.

Janeway and Seven had grown closer of the past years and occasionally shared beds. Kathryn wouldn't let Seven get too close, afraid as she was to commit, so far away from home, so far away from everything that was familiar to her. But sometimes when fate pressed down too hard on Janeway, she let Seven in and they loved each other in every possible way. But soon after Janeway would regain her strength and her resolve to not let her judgement be clouded by her feelings for Seven. And she would push her away again, keep her at arms length. Maybe one day, she told herself, maybe when we get back home, I'll be able to love Seven for real.

Not that she didn't love her. Janeway loved Seven with all her heart. Sometimes it was all she could do not to grab Seven and kiss her and tell her how much she loved her in front of everybody. She couldn't imagine getting through the past years without her. Her strength, her ability to adapt, her clear view on things. And her warm body on those cold and lonely nights, when Kathryn needed nothing else but to be close to her, cling to her lanky form and fall asleep on the rhythm of her heart beat.

Seven never complained. Kathryn believed Seven understood her needs. And that perhaps she wanted nothing more than this clandestine halfhearted relationship herself.

Kathryn walked in the mess hall and greeted the assembled crew members. She found herself a spot in front of the stage and waited for the festivities to begin.
Neelix entered the stage from the side wings and declared talent night officially open.

"I'm proud to present our first act of the evening," Neelix said and his face brightened considerably when he noticed the Captain's presence in the audience, "Ensign Leon McCafferty and his amazing flying fish!"

The audience applauded and Ensign McCafferty shyly entered the stage. Public performance was not his thing and Janeway admired him for going through with it anyway. His act consisted of him throwing around stuffed fish, pretended they were real and flying out of their own volition. The entire thing was incredibly funny and Janeway laughed wholeheartedly. The rest of the audience enjoyed it too, loud bursts of laughter rippling through the room. McCafferty got more secure of himself as the enjoyment of the audience sank in and his lost his nerves completely. He ended his act by throwing his fish in the audience and bowing deeply. He got a standing ovation and left the stage with a bright and proud smile on his face. Janeway concluded that perhaps talent night wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Neelix came back and announced the next performer.

"Next up is our resident Borg, Seven of Nine, who will sing a song, accompanied on guitar by Jennifer Delaney!"

Seven and Jennifer received a mild applause from the audience as they entered the stage. They nodded and took their places. Jennifer started playing, a solemn quiet tune and Seven locked her gaze on the Captain and sang.

Sorry

Janeway flinched, remembering Seven had chosen this song specifically for her and wondered what Seven had to be sorry about.

Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like sorry like sorry

Oh. Janeway felt the blood drain from her face as the words sang by Seven in a perfect and even tone, sank through to her brain. She realized she should have been more considerate of Seven's feelings. Clearly, their mutual agreement wasn't as mutual as Janeway had assumed.

Forgive me
Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like forgive me forgive me

Janeway blinked, trying to push away the tears stinging in her eyes. And still Seven's song was not over.

But you can say baby
Baby, can I hold you tonight
Maybe if I told you the right words
At the right time you'd be mine

Her heart broke. Why, why had she been so insensitive? So blissfully unaware of Seven's feelings? How could she have been so cruel?

I love you
Is all that you can't say
Years gone by and still
Words don't come easily
Like I love you I love you

But you can say baby
Baby, can I hold you tonight
Maybe if I told you the right words
At the right time you'd be mine

Janeway was vaguely aware of the people around her who had by now followed Seven's gaze locked on the Captain and no doubt started to wonder what was going on. She couldn't breath and swallowed away the big lump in her throat. You're an idiot, she told herself. A big fat idiot. And you'd better pray on your hands and knees that it isn't too late.

Seven's voice had quivered at the last line of the song as she was no longer able to control her emotions. She had seen Captain Janeway turn pale and silent and watched her as she eventually left the mess hall. Seven was at a loss of what to do. Tonight had been the final straw. As much as she loved Kathryn, she could not live under these circumstances any longer. She felt like her heart was ripped out of her chest every time Janeway pushed her away. Warned her that nobody should see them together outside duty shifts and occasional games of Velocity. That she should only come to Kathryn's quarters at night when the hallways of Voyager were quiet and only, only when the Captain requested her presence. And could she please look the other way during briefings and bridge duties.

At first Seven thought that this was how things were in a relationship and she understood Kathryn's need to keep things silent. But as time went by she started to realize that this was not a normal situation and she should not be treated this way. And as Seven's love for the Captain grew stronger, the pain when she was denied that love grew more intense. Until finally, she could no longer bare it.

Seven ran off the stage, her eyes filled with tears. Jennifer followed and asked her what was wrong.

"Why were you staring at the Captain the whole time? What's going on?"

Seven didn't answer. She pushed away her tears and regained her composure. Kathryn Janeway would no longer ruin her life, she decided. She would push away every ounce of emotion she had ever felt and live out the rest of her life as she had lived it before Kathryn entered it: as a drone. She straightened her shoulders, inhaled a big gulp of air and turned to Jennifer.

"Let us enjoy the rest of the show," she said and went back inside.

Harry Kim was playing his clarinet and everybody was silent. There had been some commotion when Seven had ran off the stage, apparently overcome with emotions that most crewmembers didn't even realize she had. But soon things had quieted down again and Neelix had introduced Harry and his clarinet.

Seven took a place among the audience, her back straight, her hands clasped together in her lap. She let her brain compute a sensor recalibration and concentrated on the improvement to the warp nacelles she had been working on with Lt. Torres. She almost didn't hear Neelix when he entered the stage after Harry's performance.

"There's been a slight change in the programming as a very special member of our crew requested a slot in the show. I could not deny her, so without further ado, it is my honour to present to you: Captain Kathryn Janeway!"

The audience turned deafly silent and Seven gasped. Kathryn hated talent night and had convinced everybody time and again that there wasn't "an ounce of creative talent" in her body. She'd rather study nebula radiation or astrometric scans than perform in front of an audience. She even hated giving speeches.

Kathryn entered the stage, still dressed in her Starfleet uniform, cleared her throat and sang.

Love, I get so lost sometimes
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
When I want to run away I drive off in my car
But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are

Seven stared at her with her mouth open. It didn't matter that Kathryn's singing was as clear as an untuned violin and that her voice was so laid with emotion that she could hardly form the words coming from her mouth. Seven heard the words loud and clear.

All my instincts they return
And the grand façade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes
The light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all those fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

So Kathryn did love her. Seven felt her cheeks grow warm as she proudly watched her Kathryn, her friend, her lover, doing something she loathed more than anything, singing and peforming in front of an audience. Especially for her, Seven of Nine.

Love, I don't like to see so much pain
So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

There was more to the song, but Kathryn stopped singing and stepped off the podium. She crossed the room to Seven's position and pulled her up.

"Sorry," she said and "Forgive me," and "I love you, Seven of Nine," as she pulled Seven's face toward her own and kissed her full on the lips in front of the entire crew. And Seven did something she had never openly and convincingly done before.

She smiled.

Baby can I hold you tonight, lyrics by Tracy Chapman, 1988. In Your Eyes, lyrics by Peter Gabriel, 1986